This week marks my one year anniversary of living in Moscow. I survived and I've learned a lot. Allow me to share the top ten:
"Things I've Learned in Russia"
"Things I've Learned in Russia"
10) In the winter remember to always look up. Falling icicles are the silent Russian killers.
9) Do not challenge babushkas. Ever. They yell loudly and attack with grocery carts.
8) Just expect to cry while going through passport control. You will be pleasantly surprised when you don't.
7) Learn the metric system (fancy grocery stores in Russia calculate weight by every 100 grams) so you are not shocked when a kilo of something costs David's entire paycheck.
6) Love yourself a lot. Or convince yourself that those tall, skinny, seemingly hot Russian girls who walk around in stilettos and skin-tight jeans when it's snowing are terrible, terrible people. They must be.
5) Wear fur. It is a matter of survival here.
4) When lamb kebabs and lamb tongue kebabs are both on the menu -- appearing identical (to me) in Russian -- be sure to point very clearly to the plain old lamb.
3) The mullet and the scrunchie are not dead. Always go with David when he gets his hair cut to monitor what's happening in the back. A line of defense is necessary.
2) When riding the metro during rush hour get out of the way when the train stops if you're not getting off. The Russians will run you over and/or physically lift you out of the train and put you on the platform which only leads to crying and blaming David for everything.
1) Wealth don't buy class.
